Dear Heidi,

How close can you be with a male best friend? We are both interested in other people, but are also very close with each other. I’m afraid we will both scare away our romantic interests, but I don’t want to lose our friendship.

Sincerely,

Just Friends

Dear Just Friends,

Friendship between guys and girls has always been a controversial topic. The die hard question of “Can guys and girls be just friends?”

In my opinion, definitely. While I love my female friends, I also value my friendships with guys just as much. Unfortunately, there will always be those adversaries who tell you that guys and girls cannot be close friends unless there is an ulterior motive. Perhaps that is some people’s experience, but I can say for certain that that has not been mine.

I’ll be honest. I would say for most people, we have an inherent tendency to consider the romantic potential with any new person we meet. But sometimes, this consideration is so minute that we don’t even notice it.

As someone who has male friends who I’ve been close with since middle school, I can honestly look at my group of friends and say that for many, there is no romantic history. Sometimes, it’s just refreshing to have a break from the girls and go out with the guys. End of story.

And so, if you can look at your friend and tell yourself that you have no romantic feelings for him, then there is no need to worry about the rest. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.

Inevitably, you will encounter people who cannot seem to accept the “groundbreaking” truth that you are JUST FRIENDS with a guy. But who cares. As long as you two enjoy each other’s company, other people’s opinions are just white noise.

Friendship is honestly one of the most valuable relationships you can share with someone. It shouldn’t matter what gender they are.

If you and your friend’s romantic interests are uncomfortable with your friendship, just explain it to them. Reassure them that you two are just friends. If they reciprocate your feelings, they shouldn’t care who you are friends with. And if they do, clearly they do not respect your decisions and don’t deserve your time and energy.

If you take away one piece of advice from this, it should be this: don’t ever feel obligated to sacrifice a friend for a romantic interest. If the person really likes you, he/she will respect your choice and not let it affect your relationship.

I’m rooting for you and your friend, and I hope it all works out for both of you.

Best,

Heidi

– Heidi Kim – Views Editor –