Q: It’s already our senior year, and we still haven’t found the HockaPossum! What do we do?

– Seniors Mahima Agrawal and Mercer Malakoff

A: Dear concerned citizens,

Ah yes, the infamous HockaPossum. Known for its stealth and cunning, the HockaPossum rarely reveals itself to any members of the human species. Unless, of course, you’re me.

Once upon a time, during my freshman year, I was strolling through Metzger Plaza when something brown and fluffy caught my eye. My time had come. The HockaPossum was going to reveal its presence to me. Me! Of all people!

I tracked it into the bushes. But, to my dismay, all I found was a discarded math textbook and what looked like parts of homo naledi.

After alerting Lee Berger about my findings, I continued my search. Why would the HockaPossum torment me like this? I, however, refused to succumb to the evil shenanigans of this wretched rodent. I would find the HockaPossum, even if it was the last thing I ever did.

After years of endless searching, I finally gave up. But as I walked through Metzger Plaza once more as a junior, I stopped, dead in my tracks. The HockaPossum – the myth, the man, the legend – had revealed itself to me. (This moment has been filed under Erin’s Best Life Moments and is currently ranked number two. See me for more details.)

You wanna know the truth? You don’t find the HockaPossum. The HockaPossum finds you.

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