A Very Potter Mistake

I think it’s safe to say that everyone would love another glimpse of the magical world of Harry Potter. Well, Potterheads, you’re in luck: David Yates, the director of the final four Harry Potter films, is set to direct a spin-off movie of the series, featuring minor character Newt Scamander. To add to the excitement, J.K. Rowling herself wrote the script. No further information has been released.

Now, almost everyone has read the Harry Potter books (and if you haven’t, I suggest you stop reading immediately and go do so now), and I like to consider myself a great fan of the series.

Even eight years after the publication of the final book, Muggles today still enjoy the magic of Rowling’s most popular books. The United States Quidditch Association, in which over 100 colleges compete, held its first “World Cup” on April 11, which you may have seen on Snapchat.

The Harry Potter brand is estimated to be valued at over $15 billion, making Rowling the first billionaire author. British news source The Mirror deduced in July 2014 that Rowling made approximately $800 per word for the Harry Potter books.

While I’m happy that the legacy of Harry Potter remains to this day, I have many questions that I haven’t been able to rid from my mind since finishing the books, and if they aren’t answered in the upcoming movie, I’m going to have to go see Ms. Rowling and demand some answers.

First of all, why didn’t any of the wizards/witches use ANY muggle technology? I understand that the series was set in the 90s, so people weren’t exactly rocking 4G LTE, but there definitely were phones at the time, and I’m 110 percent certain that Sirius Black would have survived The Order of the Phoenix if he just had a cell phone with him.

While we’re on the topic of unnecessary deaths, may we discuss the murder of Harry Potter’s parents? Why didn’t Hermione take her time-turner thing she obtained in the third book and go back and kill Voldemort so that never happened? One excuse for this might be that time-turners have a limit to how far back they can go, and that I would understand—but I have far more than one issue with this event.

Harry Potter was a 1-year-old boy when he witnessed the death of his parents (so he should have been able to see the Thestrals from day one, but I digress). While not exactly fresh out of the womb, he was still a tiny kid. Why didn’t Voldemort just punt him out the window or something? It probably would have killed him, with or without “the power of love.”

Also, why didn’t anyone just go out, buy a gun and kill Voldemort to begin with? All of Harry’s pain and sadness could have been easily avoided had someone just purchased a shotgun. While I understand that his horcruxes would have kept Voldemort alive, many of the deaths in the final battle would’ve been prevented if someone just sniped the Dark Lord while Harry was off gossiping with dead Dumbledore in God’s train station or whatever.

Finally, my biggest question: how the heck did the basilisk get around Hogwarts in the second book? I know that Hermione discovers that it has been traveling via the pipes, but seriously, how big are the pipes at Hogwarts? Have you ever seen a working plumbing system? Those pipes are at most a couple inches in diameter. That snake was at least 5-feet wide. Unless everyone at Hogwarts goes to the bathroom at exactly the same time every day, there is really no excuse to have pipes so big.

While it might seem like a lot, these are just a few of many questions I have for the lovely Miss Rowling. J.K. (can I call you J.K.?), I implore you to answer these questions in your upcoming film.

– Amanda Kim – Asst. Photo/Graphics Editor –