2 stars

There isn’t a person between the ages of 13 to 20 that doesn’t know the name of Cole Sprouse. From his debut in “The Suite Life on Deck” to his more recent cameo in “Riverdale,” he’s been slowly returning to the world of acting and “Five Feet Apart” is his first movie in years.

“Five Feet Apart,” starring Cole Sprouse and Haley Lu Richardson, was released on March 15, 2019. Up until its release, the movie had been heavily advertised, with Sprouse and Lu promoting it on their Instagrams and the trailer popping up in every little corner of YouTube.

So obviously I was excited to see the movie. I even read the book beforehand, because I wanted to see which would be better. Plus, any chance to watch Cole Sprouse in action is one that I knew I wouldn’t regret.

But regret I did.

Do you remember the John Green phase that everyone went through in middle school? “Looking for Alaska,” “Paper Towns” and especially “The Fault in Our Stars.” God, I can’t even think of one person who didn’t have “some infinities are bigger than other infinities” scrawled on their binder or shoe.

That’s what this movie felt like. A cheap rip-off of “The Fault in Our Stars,” with slightly more attractive actors. Usually, I’m a sucker for cliche YA rom-com movies—I fall into the vortex of teenage romance and sappy professions of love. Not this time, though.

Let’s discuss the storyline. Two teens with cystic fibrosis, one sicker than the other. One is a stickler for the rules, one is a wild, bad boy type. The bad boy softens up to the prude and they have a good time together, ending in a wild adventure where one of them eventually gets sicker. Also, there’s a quirky best friend thrown in there.

Sound familiar yet? I don’t know how John Green hasn’t threatened to sue. The storyline is basically lifted directly from “The Fault in Our Stars,” and I was thoroughly bored throughout the movie. I wasn’t even reacting to the jokes, even though they tried so hard to create the witty, rebellious teen character for Cole Sprouse.

And don’t even get me started on the ending. I am so bored with the stereotypical “if you love something, let it go” conclusion. Like, so bored. I was cringing in my seat.

To be fair, I think I missed a crucial part of the movie because I had a coughing fit. So in those five minutes, there might have been some poignant scene that influenced the rest of the movie. But I highly doubt it.

But there are some redeemable things about this movie, like the fact that the medical portion of it was actually correct. Like, they had people with cystic fibrosis come in and describe what it’s like to live with cystic fibrosis and all the medical equipment and treatments they need.

Otherwise, every single thing about the movie was corny. The plot, the personalities of the characters, the unrealistic scenes. I could go on and on. Sprouse and Richardson’s talents were unmistakably wasted. I can’t even think about the pool scene, where Sprouse and Richardson partake in an epic stare-down while half-naked (sounds dirty, was not), without cringing.

If you are a really big Cole Sprouse fan and want an excuse to stare at his face for two hours, go ahead and watch this movie. But if you fall under any other category, save your money.

Ponette Kim, Copy Editor.