Dear Reader, I don’t have much time. She will be back soon. I don’t know if I can take this any longer. I just came home from the Technology Department yesterday and she has already managed to damage my delicate body. This morning she spilled coffee on me. An entire cup.

A couple of months ago she “accidentally” dropped me down a flight of stairs and cracked one of my best features — the corner of my screen. After some plastic surgery I was lookin’ good again, but I still haven’t fully recovered from the trauma of that event. I swear she’s trying to kill me.

Sometimes she forces me to watch Criminal Minds with her even though it terrifies me. What a scary show. What a scary girl.

Once she forced me to get a tattoo. She engraved her name onto my body using a pencil. Now I have to look at that disgusting girl’s name everyday.

“WHY IS THE SCREEN SO FAT?” she often asks me when I topple over. It’s not my fault I can’t balance. I was made this way. I am beautiful.

As if this verbal abuse isn’t enough, she has also been unfaithful to me. Sometimes I see her using the fruit computer. That’s right, the iMac. They spend hours doing homework together, yet I’m the one who has to go to school with her while the MacinPosh gets to relax at home.

Apparently the vows we created during book distribution mean NOTHING to her.

Now, I know I haven’t been the best laptop to her either. I mean, I doubt she’ll ever be able to trust me again, considering I deleted her entire JRP, but hey, it’s not completely my fault. Junior year has really taken a toll on my mental and physical health. My body reeks of coffee and Nutella (which I secretly don’t mind). I am never not sleepy and sometimes I accidentally open up Internet Explorer. Sometimes when I get tired, I turn my keyboard off and hope that she’ll give up and go to sleep. But when all is said and done, I know I’m more reliable than the printers in the Upper School Commons. I don’t deserve this sort of treatment. I deserve to be encrusted with diamonds of at least 20 carats, placed in a case made of exotic silk and used by none other than Amy Poehler.

So reader, I’m begging you, please take me away from here. It is time I live my life away from this subpar girl.

Peace ‘n Blessings,

Your one and only swag chief,

Lenovo the ThinkPad

– Manisha Ratakonda